Why we need to lean into playing, having fun and doing things that are inherently purposeless!

 JOY is on my mind this month 

Last weekend I had the entire weekend by myself, to do as I pleased.  I'm not proud to say I spent most of the weekend working, cleaning the laundry after the departure of two cats and redistributing stuff from one end of the house to the other.  I even laminated until 10pm Saturday.

At 4pm Sunday I forced myself to watch a movie and eat a bag of crisps - the idea being that if I had chips to eat I wouldn't try to knock off the ironing pile while I watched the movie!  My weekend highlight was going on a date with my 18yo daughter back from university. 💓

It was hardly the 'retreat weekend' I could have had ('shoulda coulda woulda').  And I wasn't entirely rested and refreshed for my week ahead. 

I'm no different to others. So many people I come across are suffering from overwhelm, nearing burnout, or feeling numb to life right now.  This, combined with the choices I made on the weekend, got me thinking. What do we need right now?

I stumbled across the answer at 8am Monday morning! 

Listening to my gut...

I've been running a series of group coaching sessions for an awesome business here in the Mighty Waikato.  And the staff of this business, like everyone else, is tired, challenged with 'the difficult on the daily' and wondering when the light at the end of the tunnel will start peaking through. 

My gut instinct was telling me it was time to reconnect with what makes us feel good from the inside out, to get back to basics!  So at 8am Monday morning I decided to change the theme of this month's session - the first of which was starting at 9am!  A little tight for time but SO GLAD I LISTENED TO MY GUT INSTINCT! 

We had so much FUN exploring 
🌟the difference between joy and happiness,
🌟the 4 approaches to joy,
🌟the 5 elements of joy,
🌟our personal wheel of joy (where are the gaps?)
🌟why the thrill of a new [you fill in the blank - car, dress, job, holiday....] may only last for up to 48 hours,
🌟why it may be better for us in the long term to be in a wheelchair than to win lotto, 
🌟and HOW to lean into joy.
Sooo good!

Let me share those 5 elements... and you can work out which ones need more attention in your life.

Reconnecting with JOY in our lives...
OK, so in my world, there are 5 elements to JOY. 
Enjoyment - what we do for the sheer fun, silliness and/or pleasure of it. Inherently purposeless and often we lose time doing it. It's the easiest to do but sadly it's the easiest to give away when life gets stressful.

Satisfaction - what we do for a sense of achievement. Relates to goals, learning, development and challenges. At a daily level it can just be getting tasks ticked off. Satisfying, as my weekend of 'doing' proved!

Purpose - what we do that is contributing to something bigger to ourselves. We don't have to strive to be like Mother Theresa - often we derive purpose from our work, being parents or being generous with our time, money or skills.

Connection - we're hard wired to need this sense of belonging with other people (and pets). Research has proven that connection is the MAIN contributor to our health, happiness and longevity. (Check out Robert Waldinger's Ted Talk)

Appreciation - wanting what we already have. Being satisfied with what we have, not longing for what someone else has. Savouring! Often 'nature' and food come into this category.

So, let's explore FUN & PLAY a little further ...
ENJOYMENT is the first element of Joy. This is what we do for the simple PLEASURE of it, the sheer SILLINESS of it, the FUN of it, with no intention or purpose whatsoever. It's PLAY!  Sometimes it's being in FLOW state where we lose time because we're so present to what we're doing. BLISS even.

Of all 5 elements ENJOYMENT is the most challenging. People really have lost sight of FUN.

Why is that? We all know the importance of 'play' for children - it's critical to their development and social skills.  But when we 'grow up' we find that there are more serious things going on which need our attention - our careers, our families, finances and relationships.  The sad thing is that when we're super busy or stressed often it's the PLAY that is sacrificed. FUN is considered a luxury when we're neck deep in the busyness of deadlines, expectations and meetings.

"How can I possibly have fun when I have all this stuff to do?" right?
But research shows that play also enhances the life of adults - and all the serious things we spend our time on (refer above!), all benefit from us having more fun.  Play is actually as critical for adults as it is for children.  Play releases endorphins, improves the functionality of our brain, improves our memory and uses the part of our brain that stimulates creativity.  Whoop whoop!   
When we permit ourselves to PLAY and have FUN, it improves all areas of our lives, even productivity. Hard to believe? Then maybe it's worth testing it for yourself, over time, a "little and often".

What do you do for fun? Seriously!

I know! This can be a confronting question, it was for my group coaching last week. And it was for me.

So I'm curious, what do YOU do that is fun, thrilling, pleasurable?

Play games and (honestly) not care whether you win or lose?
Dance "like no one's watching"?
Sing at the top of your lungs in the car?
Play with your kids?
Dress up?
Play with your pets?
Eat raw cookie dough mixture?
💓Make love?
Play music? JUST FOR FUN.
Let your kids do your makeup or dress you for the day!?
Get into nature - body surf in the waves, skinny dip at the beach???
Watch funny cat videos on youtube?

Whatever it is - or was - for you, I encourage you to do more of it.

Even if it means scheduling FUN into your diary